Important Points From "How To Win Friends And Influence People" (Part I) - Issue #4

2 hours read in only 10 mins!

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PART ONE- FUNDAMENTAL TECHNIQUES IN HANDLING PEOPLE

Principle 1 - Don't Criticize, Condemn Or Complain

When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. WE ARE DEALING WITH CREATURES OF EMOTIONS. Creatures bristle with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity. 

"As much as we thirst for approval, we dread condemnation." ~ Hans Selye

Results of Criticism

Whenever we are criticizing, condemning and complaining we are

• wounding a person's precious pride

• hurting his sense of importance

• arousing resentment and hard feelings

• impairing all someone's usefulness (demoralizing employees, family members and friends), and still not correct the situation that has been condemned 

Response Of Criticism

As a result, the person we criticize will be

• defensive and strive to justify himself, and

• condemn us in return 

What To Do Instead Of Criticizing?

1. Build high character and self-control

2. Try to get the other person's point of view to be understanding and ultimately forgiving

The New Result

Gather your honey, without kicking over the Beehive. 

Principle 2 - Give Honest And Sincere Appreciation

If you want to get anybody to do anything, give what the person wants. 

The Craving For A Feeling Of Importance

A feeling of importance is a gnawing and unfaltering human hunger. Despite its longing, deep and imperious characteristic of it, the feeling of importance (the desire to be important) is seldom gratified. Hence, the rare individual who honestly satisfies this heart hunger will hold people in the palm of his or her hand.

What Will People Do To Satisfy This Craving?

Anything. Either positive such as striving excellence in their career or negative such as joining gangs and engaging in criminal activities. The way people get their feeling of importance is what they are that determines their character - that is the most significant thing about them.

How Can We Use This To Our Achievement By Feeding This Side Of Human Behavior?

The feeling of importance is satisfied through sincere appreciation. So, figure out the good points of others and appreciate them lavishly (even better in front of people). Appreciate your spouse, kids, family members, friends, employees, everybody without trying to get something from them in return. This feeling you get that you have done something for someone without him/her being able to do anything whatever in return for you will flow and sing in your memory long after the incident is past.

The Result

• Makes people to do a better work under a spirit of approval (than under spirit of criticism)

• The stupendous power of sincere hearted appreciation may change a person’s life forever

• People will cherish your words and treasure them and repeat them over a lifetime- repeat them years after you have forgotten them, setting small flames of friendships that will be rose beacons on your next visit

Principle 3 –Arouse In The Other Person An Eager Want

Whenever you want to persuade somebody to do something, before you speak, pause and ask yourself: "how can I make this person want to do it?”, because action springs out of what we fundamentally desire.

Always think in terms of the other person's point of view. Focus on their desires – that is what everybody is interested in.

PART TWO - WAYS TO MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU

Principle 1 - Become Genuinely Interested In Other People

“We are interested in others when they are interested in us." ~ Publilus Syrus 

If you want to win ATTENTION, TIME and COOPERATION, become genuinely interested in others. Showing a genuine interest in others wins friends for you as well as develops customers’ loyalty to your company. 

Genuine interest on others must pay off not only for the person showing the interest, but for the person receiving the attention, specially for the seemingly unimportant people, greetings like simple "hellos" have power on the receivers side and may have a longing impact with great meaning which requires the giver less effort.

💡Humbleness and friendliness can be ways to be interested on other people's life sustainably.

Principle 2 – Smile And Make A Good First Impression!

You must have a good time meeting people, if you expect them to have a good time meeting you. Actions speak louder than words, and smile say, "I like you, and you make me happy. I'm glad to see you." 

How to Apply Genuine Smile In Your Life Effectively?

Credit: AZ Quotes

The Result

• When you smile, people will smile back at you!

• People are glad to see and be with smiling people!

• Your smile also brightens the lives of all who see it!

"People who smile tend to manage, teach and sell more effectively, and to raise happier children. There's far more information in a smile than a frown. That's why encouragement is a much more effective teaching device than punishment." ~ Professor James V. McConnell, a psychologist at the University of Michigan.

Principle 3 - Use A Person's Name Whenever You Communicate With Them

• The name sets the individual apart.

• It makes him or her unique among all others.

• It makes people feel important.

• Using names creates a personalized feeling to the individual. 

The information we are imparting or the request we are making takes on a special importance when we approach the situation with the name of the individual.

The ability to remember name is important in business, social contact and in politics. From the waitress to the senior executive, the name will work magic as we deal with others. 

"Good manners are made up of petty sacrifices." ~ Emerson 

Principle 4 - Encourage Others To Talk About Themselves And Attentively Listen 

Become a good conversationalist by

• Encouraging others to talk about themselves and their accomplishment 

• Asking questions that other person's will enjoy answering and, 

• Listening with your eyes as well as your ears until the person who talked to you feel that he had his say.

Listen with your mind and attentively consider what the other person has to say while he said it. Being an attentive listener helps to get close with people of your interest as well as soften and subdued the chronic kicker, the irritated customer, the dissatisfied employee, the hurt friend or even people who may be cruel to get the feeling of importance. Because frequently what all of these people want is merely a friendly, sympathetic listener to whom they could unburden themselves.

Principle 5 – Interest People By Talking About Their Subject Of Interest

The royal road to a person's heart is to talk about the things he or she treasures the most. Warm people up with the subject of their interest before starting to pour your desires. 

Talking in terms of the other person's interests pays off for both parties. It will result in a different reward from each person. And even possibly an enlargement of your life each time you spoke to someone. 

Principle 6 - Make The Other Person Feel Important And Do It Sincerely

We all want a feeling that we are important in our little world. We want recognition of our true worth. We want the approval of those whom we come in contact with. 

The unvarnished truth is that almost all the people you meet feel themselves superior to you in some way, and a sure way to their hearts is to let them realize in some subtle way that you recognize their importance, and recognize it sincerely. 

"Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him." - Emerson

Little courtesies such as please and thank you go a long way. WORK MAGIC WITH IT EVERYDAY!